My world ends with her
by alicee-cullen17
Summary: Jasper manages to bite Bella in New Moon. But what happens if she reacts different at the venom? Will Edward be able to live without her? REVIEW PLEASE
1. Nothing lasts forever

**Chapter 1 – Nothing lasts forever…**

**BELLA POV**

**I took the little package, rolling my eyes at Edward while I stuck my finger under the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape.**

"**Shoot" I muttered when the paper sliced my finger; I pulled it out to examine the damage. A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut.**

**It all happened very quickly then.**

**"No!" Edward roared.**

**He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell, as I did, scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattered crystal.**

**Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide.**

**There was another noise, grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in Jasper's chest. Jasper tried to shove past Edward, snapping his teeth just inches from Edward's face.**

**Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel grip, but Jasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me.**

**I was in shock. I could feel the pain in my arm, as I cut myself in the shattered crystal that was lying on the floor; also, I could feel Edward's cold, protective body over me. All I could do was praying for this to end fast, so I could go home; I had caused enough trouble for one day. As I was staring at the horrified faces of my future family, I heard a sound like a thunder and Emmett's shout:**

**"Damn it, Jasper, stop!"**

**Somehow, Jasper managed to pull himself off Emmett's steel grip and now there was only Edward between me and him. Edward roared one more time, showing his teeth, but Jasper pushed him away; it seemed like the thirst and the burning desire had made him stronger. They didn't even had time to react; I was suddenly looking into Jasper's hungry eyes, and then I felt the familiar burning pain traveling through my veins, even faster than I remembered. I couldn't feel anything else, the pain in my arm was completely insignificant compared to the unbearable fire. I heard Edward's and Alice's desperate shouts and all I wanted was to be able to comfort them.**

**"No, Bella! NO!" Edward screamed, horrified. **

**I could hear everything, but I wasn't capable to answer. The pain was too big. I was still rational, because I remembered something Alice had told me when we were hiding of James. Vaguely, I remembered she said that this transformation process is going to last three days. Three days of pain and horror; I already couldn't bear it, I just wanted to beg them to kill me, but I couldn't find the strength to speak. **

**"Carlisle! DO SOMETHING TO SAVE HER! NOW!"**

**"What could I possibly do, son? You know how the venom affects the body. It is already into her system, everything we have left is to wait for the transformation to end." Carlisle replied. **

**"But this can't be happening so fast! She wasn't ready, I wasn't ready! I can't destroy her life this way, Carlisle!"**

**"I know, and I'm sorry, Edward. Now, Rose and Emmett, please take Jasper away from here. Esme, Alice, it would be better for you to leave."**

**"I want to stay with her, Carlisle. I want to be with her until it ends", Alice whispered. "I can control myself, you know I can."**

**"Bella, love." Edward said, his voice sounding far away. I tried to reach to him, but I felt like I was drowning. "I'll be here until the end. Please don't give up. You hear me? Oh, this is all my fault! I shouldn't have – "**

**He stopped. Edward's voice was the biggest pain from all; mine seemed nothing compared to his. He was blaming himself again, like he always did. And he was wrong, completely wrong. I tried to squeeze his hand, to show him that I was here, hearing him, but I didn't knew if I had enough strength. But I felt his quiver, and heard him sigh, then managed to open my eyes and see his beautiful golden eyes staring at me, looking as if he would cry, if his eyes would be able to produce tears. **

**"Love. I know you can hear me. Fight, Bella. I know it's hard, I know it hurts, but please, for me. Please don't give up." His voice was just a horrified whisper and it was so hard to hear him. I was far away, this pain was growing and was taking me away from the only one I loved, the reason of my existence. Then, suddenly, I couldn't move anymore; it was like some chains were holding me against the floor.**

**"CARLISLE! What happened?!?" Edward screamed. "Damn it, Bella, fight!"**

**But I was. Why was he mad at me? Was I doing something wrong?**

**"Bella, love, please don't leave me. If you die, I die and you know it. You **_**are**_** my life, love, I can't live without you. I have no reason to continue to be alive if you're not with me anymore. Promise you won't give up!"**

**Yes. I wanted to answer, to make this promise that would unite me with him forever. But I couldn't. I struggled to open my eyes one more time, and the last thing I saw was Edward's gorgeous face just inches away from mine. I smiled, then darkness overwhelmed me. **

_**I love you too. Always, forever. Goodbye, I love you**_**, was my last thought. **

**EDWARD POV**

**"No!", I moaned one more time. **

**What was happening? Why wasn't she struggling? Why was her body motionless? This wasn't the usual reaction at vampire venom. I saw her eyes opening and staring at me, then a peaceful expression appeared on her face. I also saw her trying to smile, a weak attempt to comfort me, I guessed. But then what was wrong? **

**"Edward, she is in shock. Please let me see." Carlisle pleaded.**

**"No." I hold Bella's hand tighter, then placed my body protectively over hers. **

**"Edward, give him some space. He won't be able to help her if you don't move." Alice tried to reason with me, her voice just a horrified whisper.**

**I moved a few inches, still holding my Bella's hand. Her skin was so cold and her eyes were closed, but that peaceful expression was still there, on her face, the shadow of a smile raising at the edges of her lips. Carlisle checked her silently for a few moments while I was thinking about how I will never see that wonderful blush in her cheeks again and the gorgeous brown of her eyes; I won't feel her hot skin anymore, that heat that felt so pleasant against my skin every time she touched me with her soft fingers… Then, a change in Carlisle's thoughts distracted me and I felt so much pain that I thought I was going to explode.**

**…**_**Dead. The venom didn't even had time to reach to her heart, she entered into shock and her body stopped reacting. How will I tell him?**_

**"NOOO!" I shouted, horrified by that thought. "STOP thinking that!"**

**"Son, I'm so sorry, but it's true…" he replied, and I could feel the pain growing inside him. **

**"What?" Alice demanded, shocked and terrified. "She's not… is she?"**

**She wasn't even able to say the word; I couldn't even think about it. **

**"No, she's not." I roared. "He's **_**wrong**_**. Check her again."**

**But he shuddered and I could see the truth in his thoughts, I could read his remorse. **

**"I'm afraid it's true, Alice. Bella is dead."**

**"Don't you even dare to say that! You're lying!" I screamed, overwhelmed by the pain and by Alice's confused thoughts. She was grieving for her loss, and she was disgusted and horrified by what her husband has done to her best friend. I couldn't handle this anymore. It was too much for me to stand. I took Bella's body into my arms, then ran upstairs and locked myself into my room. It was childish and foolish from me; they wouldn't let themselves intimidated by a locked door, but I couldn't help it. I felt the need to do **_**something**_**. I put her gently onto my sofa then lied next to her, holding her into my arms, like we used to spend each night. I started humming her lullaby, knowing that she will finally wake up and kiss me with her soft lips. She was just reacting different at the venom; after all, she was special. I kissed her forehead, then her cheek, and finally her lips; she felt so cold. I missed her sweet scent. I would gladly accept the burning pain in my throat just to feel her scent again. I pulled her tighter to my chest and continued humming, waiting for the moment in which I was going to see her beautiful, breathtaking smile again.**


	2. Agony

**Chapter 2 – Agony**

**EDWARD POV**

**Everything around me seemed so dim; nothing had sense anymore without her. After two hours of humming without stopping the lullaby I had composed for her when we first met, the horrible truth started overwhelming my mind. How will I be able to live when the whole reason of my existence was **_**dead**_**?**

_**Dead**_**. My love was **_**dead**_**. I repeated this in my mind over and over again, while I was staring at her motionless body. How will I continue to exist without her smile? Without seeing her brilliant eyes and the blood flushing into her cheeks, while blushing a deep red? Without feeling the heat of her soft skin, the gentle touch of her lips? Without hearing her heart? The only significant sound in my world had disappeared, the only reason that kept me alive had gone for ever; why would I continue to be? **

**I kept her cold body tight to my chest, remembering every happy moment spent with her; each night spent in her room, each touch, each kiss… the pain was so big I wanted to scream and run far away, but I knew there was no sense. Why should I hide? This wouldn't bring my love back. **

**Grief, fury and pain were controlling my whole mind; also, I could hear the horrible plans my **_**family **_**had made in the last hours. They planned to make it look like she had a car accident on her way home. Rosalie was more than willing to fabricate the evidences. Of course, I knew she never liked Bella, but I couldn't imagine she would be **_**happy**_** because she died. I also heard Carlisle, Emmett and Alice deciding to come and try to reason with me. I hold Bella's body tighter; I will never give her to them.**

**A soft knocking at my door interrupted my thoughts. I went to the door and opened it, Bella's body still in my arms, then quickly returned to the sofa. Alice entered, spent a few moments watching us, then ran across the room and kneed next to my sofa. Her only thought was to get a chance to say goodbye to Bella; she was so disgusted and horrified that she couldn't even think about anything else. She stretched one hand towards my love, but I roared defensively. **

**"Edward, please." She pleaded. "Just please. I love her. I want to say goodbye. Please." Her voice trembled with tears her eyes weren't able to produce anymore.**

**I relaxed a little and she reached to touch Bella's face.**

**"I miss you so much, Bella. Nothing is the same without you around. Hope you're happy, wherever you are." She closed her eyes for a few seconds, incapable of handling the huge amount of pain she was feeling. **

**"Edward, please", she said, her eyes still close, "don't blaim Jazz for this. It was a terrible accident, but it wasn't his fault. I'm begging you."**

**I groaned, fury overwhelming me. "Not his fault? Bella was my **_**life**_**, and he took her away from me!" It was so painful saying her name out loud. It was like my heart was breaking into millions of pieces. "All I asked from him, since the first time Bella entered into this house, was to keep a distance from her! And what did he do? **_**Killed **_**her! He's a murderer, and I don't know how you can defend him life this."**

**Tearless sobs came from her and I realized that my words were too harsh for her, but I didn't apologize, I didn't take them back. My fury was too big.**

**"Edward. He suffers too, you know. He feels horrible now." She whispered.**

**"Well, if he feels horrible, then it's nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now, so stop finding him excuses, Alice Cullen."**

**She didn't say anything else; she just hold her hand on Bella's face, sobbing. Her thoughts were vague and confused; I tried not to pay attention to them, since everything that was on her mind was Bella's… death. **

**"Son." Carlisle said, calmly, speaking for the first time since he'd entered into the room. I've almost forgotten he was there; it was so easy to block everybody's thoughts when I was overwhelmed by my pain. "Please, Edward, give Bella's body to me. Rosalie already made all look like she had a car accident on her way home. Charlie and Renee deserve a chance to say her goodbye", he pleaded.**

**I hold my grip on Bella, prepared to run with her if they were going to try to force me; I knew Alice would help, I could see it in her thoughts.**

**"No." I said, my voice echoing into the room. "What about my goodbye? I didn't had enough time and I'm not ready. She's **_**mine**_** and you can't take her away from me."**

**"Son, be reasonable. Bella was like a daughter to me and I care about her too, but you must be rational and understand the consequences. Could you live with the thought that because of you, neither Charlie, nor Renee had a chance to see their daughter for the last time? Could you take that away from them? Please, give her body to me."**

**"I said NO!" I replied, raising my voice. "I promised I'll always stay with her. You don't know, but I promised never to let her go."**

**But Emmett approached, and his hands were already removing my fingers, one by one, gently, from my Bella's body; I couldn't find the strength to fight. I just stared at him, my expression blank. He took her into his big arms, surprisingly careful and gentle; he looked at her and I could see in his thoughts the remorse he felt and how much he missed her. As soon as he got out the door with my love, fury and agony overwhelmed my mind. I groaned, showing my teeth at Carlisle, when truth hit me one more time. Now that she wasn't here with me, there was no hope; I couldn't lie to myself anymore. She was gone for ever. Alice patted my shoulder, but I roared at her too; it was like I was going insane. A part of my brain realized that it was completely irrational what I was doing, but the other part only wanted revenge. **

**Alice gasped at the sight of her beloved husband, dead, lying on the floor. It was only a vision, of course, but my decision was already taken. He was the one who took Bella away from me and he was going to pay for it. Alice tried to stop me, her grip keeping me from doing this, but I managed to escape. Carlisle hold me still, and Emmett darted into the room – without Bella in his arms - his expression mixed between pain and terror. He put his hands on both of my shoulders, and I struggled, but with Carlisle and him holding me, there was no chance for me to run. **

**"Let. Me. Do. It. He. Deserves." I managed to choke out between my roars. **

**"Edward, bro', cal, down. Jeez, take it easy. It was just an accident! No one is guilty!" Emmett tried to reason with me, but I didn't want to hear him. "Please. You'll regret this later."**

**"Son, think about Bella. Do you think she would've wanted you to become a murderer? If she sees you right now, do you think she likes what she sees? She wouldn't have wanted for you to do something like this, to kill your own brother. She is gone, and there is nothing we could do for her."**

**"Stop trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to make justice! It is the right thing to do. He killed her, and I'll kill him. Justice, once for all." I answered, my mind ruled by fury.**

**It was then when I heard Alice's thoughts. Between her tearless sobs and her agony for losing her best friend, it was something else. She gave me her agreement in killing her husband, her soul-mate. She was willing to give up at her true love, because she realized he was guilty. I was about to start struggling again, when I saw something else into her thoughts. A vision, something that would inevitably happen if I'd kill Jasper. My little sister, on her way to Italy. Then another flash… my own family, devastated by so many looses in such short time… and another – me, running far away, and hunting humans. Completely changed. Red eyes. Then everything disappeared, Bella's image in our living room, struggling for her life becoming her main thought. **

**She sighed, pain in her beautiful eyes.**

_**You have my approval, if you think it's the best way. But I can't live without him, as you can't live without your Bella. This is what will happen. You'll do it, you'll get revenged and then you'll separate from the family and become a total savage. If you're ready, then go. Do it now. **_

**This was too much for me. My revenge seemed correct, the one who did this to my Bella had to be punished. But also losing Alice – Alice, the only one who truly knew me, the only one who shared the same pain as me, my only support in this life without my love – was too much to bear. I couldn't do this to my family. I could understand Alice's reasons, because it had happened the same to me; I couldn't do to her the same thing Jasper did to me. I couldn't take away her only reason to smile when world seemed so dark for her. Also, only the thought of destroying my family like this seemed as painful as Bella's loss. **

**I sobbed, then roared one more time, then sighed. I felt Alice relaxing next to me. **

_**Thank you,**_** she thought.**

**What could I tell her? **_**My **_**pleasure? I said nothing as I stared at her beautiful face, at her golden apologetic eyes. **

**"Em, let him go. He won't do anything." Alice whispered, nodding once in Carlisle's direction. Emmett looked me in the eyes, seriously, then removed his hands off my shoulders. **

**I made a few steps, then crashed on my sofa. I heard the door opening, then closing again, but didn't bother to see who had left. I felt a soft touch on my hair and looked up just to see Alice's face. She was here, with me, and everything seemed easier. She could understand me; she shared my pain. I let her comfort me, soothe me. She sat into my lap and embraced me tightly, whispering into my ear:**

**"She's happy, you know. Wherever she is." Then she placed her head onto my shoulder and that was how morning found us; we haven't moved all night. **


	3. Goodbye

Chapter 3 – Goodbye

**EDWARD POV**

**(as I was asked, I didn't write the story with bold characters anymore; thanks everyone for your nice reviews, I'll try to upload new chapters really quickly, since I have holiday now so I have more time to write)**

Morning finally came; this had been the longest night of my entire existence. Alice was still sobbing, now and then, sitting on my lap, her head on my shoulder. I was there only with my body; my mind was far away, remembering all the happy moments spent with _her_. I tried not to say her name, because the ache that I felt ripped my already destroyed heart into millions of pieces.

Somehow, I managed to live in the past, to disconnect from the present; I noticed it took me a lot of effort, but I finally made it. And in this state of oblivion I was close to happiness. Not a complete one, though, because the memory of her, lying on the floor, eyes closed and her body motionless, was still fresh in my mind; but something close to the feeling I had every time I was with her.

I've remembered the incredible moments spent in our meadow; the touch of her soft skin, tracing the lines of my face, the brilliancy in her eyes, the touch of her lips against mine… these were my most precious moments, and I had to keep them, no matter what. I've remembered that first night in her room, when she said my name in her sleep, and when I've felt that my love was too strong to be ignored; and all the other nights, in which she said she loved me and repeated my name again and again.

But when I reached to the closest happy memory I had with her, I gasped, unable to control myself. It was the afternoon before her birthday party, when we watched together Romeo and Juliet. She'd told me that, no matter what happened to her, I should still continue to live. It was like she knew or she felt something. But how was I supposed to survive without her?

The sound of the door opening interrupted my thoughts, and the fragile state of happiness vanished. It was Carlisle who entered, his expression sober and somehow calm.

"They found Bella this morning." He announced, and the sound of her name produced me a new pain, harder than the other; the ache pierced my heart. It was physically painful to hear her name. "She was found by a man who was driving to work; he called an ambulance and the police immediately. Charlie arrived there first – he is still in shock. Me and Esme went there, to see if we could help. We called Renee – she and Phil are on their way here. Charlie just wanted to know how she felt before she died; we were the last persons to see her alive. I told him the truth – that she was happy, though a little annoyed by Alice's exaggeration. He wishes to talk to you two, though; he said that you're the only ones who loved Bella as much as he did, but I've told him you're too shocked and there is no way you could handle this right now. I guess the funeral will be tomorrow." He trailed off, noticing that none of us had reacted at his news. Alice still had her head on my shoulder, like she was sleeping. I was looking far away, my eyes blank. He tried to say something else, but gave up and got out of the room.

I've heard every single word; I've also heard his thoughts, and I read the pain he endured when he had to lie to Charlie, knowing that his own son has brought him into this condition. But I just didn't care now. I couldn't find the strength to grieve for her loss anymore. I was empty.

Alice moved a little, just to watch into my eyes. I don't know what she saw there, but she started patting my arm, softly, in another attempt to comfort me.

_I don't even have the strength to talk_, she thought. _We should go, you know. Tomorrow. At the funeral. It will be good for us to see her one last time. _

I just shuddered, but I was convinced I couldn't handle another minute seeing her motionless body lying in a coffin.

The rest of the day passed in the same way. I sank into my sea of oblivion, unwilling to feel the pain anymore. When the night came, the cruelty of the truth hit me.

Jasper wasn't the one to blame for Bella's death. I was the only one responsible for everything that had happened to her; if I hadn't appeared in her life, she would've lived happy. It was all my fault that she was even at that party. After all, I was a monster, belonging to the world of horror stories. She was just human – mortal, fragile. I should have left when I still could – I should've ran far away from here and not seeing her again. Instead, as the selfish creature that I am, I let her fall in love with me, unconditionally and irrevocably. The pain that this truth brought with it was so huge, that I felt, once again, the need to run and never come back. Alice felt the change and looked at me, disoriented.

_What's wrong?_

"I just realized…" I gasped. "I am the only one to blame for her death. This is just my fault! I let myself carried away and didn't think at the consequences!! How could I bring her into this world of vampires? If I would've loved her as I should have, I would've ran away since the first time I felt that attraction towards her blood. I _am _the only responsible."

_Edward. No one is responsible here. It was nobody's fault; it was an accident. Who would've thought this would happen? Do not blame yourself for this. You already suffer so much – why do you insist in torturing yourself even more?_

"But can't you see it? Why did I had to fall in love with her? Why did I had to allow her falling in love with me? I am guilty, Alice, and you can say nothing to make me change my opinion."

She watched me in disbelief, terror in her eyes, but kept quiet. The power of this revelation was still strong, and it was impossible for me to sink again into the oblivion. All night I couldn't strop thinking about this; it was only my fault and I couldn't understand how I could've blamed Jasper for this. I was a murderer, I was responsible that she wasn't here with me anymore, smiling her breathtaking smile and touching me with her soft fingers.

When the second morning without my love came, I was devastated. My whole body hurt, and my heart ached me every two minutes. Alice had tried all night to make me feel better, but there was no way. I've decided to go to the funeral, though, because I wanted to do something for her – something special.

Downstairs, I could hear all my family preparing, so there was no much time left. Alice ran to her room to get dressed, and, after one minute, we were both downstairs, where it seemed to be a little conflict. Rage overwhelmed me again when I saw everybody dressed in black – except from Rosalie. She was hissing something at Emmett, who was trying to convince her.

"Why should I go? She meant nothing to me. Just another annoying human; it's not my fault she died. I don't want to go and pretend to be suffering for her loss; as a matter of fact, I think it's better she's gone."

I roared, showing my teeth at her. Emmett placed himself in front of her immediately. I could see it in his thoughts – though Rosalie's words had hurt him too, he was going to protect her, no matter what. I wasn't planning to destroy my family more than I already had, so I tried to calm myself. Alice hugged my shoulders and Esme took my hand into hers.

"Rose." Carlisle said. "If you don't want to go, nobody is forcing you. But do not talk like this about Bella when she's not here to defend herself. Do not besmear her memory."

I didn't want to listen anymore; I turned around and darted out of the room, went to the garage and got into my Volvo. As I was about to drive away, Alice came and sat down on the passenger seat.

"I want to go with you", she whispered. "The others are in Carlisle's car. Rose's not coming."

"Better." I hissed. "Bella wouldn't want her to be there."

She just nodded as I was driving fast though the city. When I reached at the chapel, pain hit me again. I was about to see her lying there, without moving. My whole world was gone forever. I put my head into my palms and stayed like that for a couple of minutes, with Alice sobbing quietly next to me. Finally, we got down; Carlisle and Esme were talking to Charlie and Renee. Renee was crying, devastated, while Charlie was trying to be strong. When he saw me and Alice, he ran to us and hugged us tightly.

"Thank you so much, Edward, for making her last months of her life so happy. If it hadn't been for you, she would've died without knowing how real happiness felt like. And thank you, Alice, for being like a sister to her. I know how much she loved you both." He trailed off, unable to speak about her anymore.

If it hadn't been for me, she wouldn't have been dead now. She would've been healthy, going to school like any other day. I refused to think about this anymore, because I was going to collapse right there, in the middle of the street. I looked around, noticing for the first time how many people came to bring her one last tribute. People that didn't even knew her, some neighbors, and almost everybody from school. I saw Angela and Jessica crying , while Ben and Mike were holding them into their arms, trying to comfort them. I wasn't able to comfort my Bella anymore. I will never be able to keep her in my arms and hug her when she cries.

Alice patted my arm, softly.

_Edward, Charlie said the family will get the chance to see her first. He wants all of us to go with him. Do you think you can handle it?_

I nodded, then followed her into the little chapel. In the middle of the room, there was a coffin – nobody near it. I made a few more steps until I reached to it, but seeing her there, lying without life in her body, destroyed me irremediably. I collapsed next to the coffin, into my knees, watching her face for the last time. It still had that peaceful expression; her eyes were closed. It was like she was sleeping and dreaming happy dreams. I noticed that she was wearing my favorite blue top. I sobbed deeply, then put my head onto the edge of the coffin to calm myself. I then stretched one hand to touch her face. She was so cold. I bent my head, getting closer to her, then touched her soft lips for one last time.

Knowing that I wasn't going to be able to resist much longer, I searched into my pocket for something I 'd brought for her. I took her hand into mine, and placed onto her finger a delicate golden ring.

"It had always belonged to you, my love. Since the first time I met you." I whispered. "I love you, my Bella. Wait for me." I said, even more quietly than before. I kissed her hand then let the others say goodbye, feeling that if I'd spend one more minute there, I wouldn't be able to control myself anymore. I saw Emmett approaching her coffin, terror on his face and into his thoughts. Bella was already like a little sister to him and he felt the need to protect her. Now, that she was dead, he thought that he had failed into his mission, and that he was the one responsible.

_If I was more careful, Jasper wouldn't have escaped and wouldn't have bitten her. It's only my fault, and now she's dead! She's lying here, and she'll never make me laugh again. Only my damn fault!_

Alice approached too, but at the sight of her best friend lying there, she crashed – she fell onto the floor and screamed.

"Bella, please, don't leave me! Bella, come back!"

Jasper ran to her and took her into his arms, taking her out of the chapel. I followed them, letting Carlisle and Esme say their goodbyes. As far as I was concerned, I just wanted to go home and continue grieving for her loss.


	4. Decision

**Chapter 4 – DECISION**

**EDWARD POV**

**(I know it's short, but I promise the next chapter will be long and won't disappoint you; also, next chapter will be the last!)**

Alice started spending all her time into my room, since I was the only one in the family still grieving for Bella's loss. The others came back to their usual activities, though Bella's memory appeared in their thoughts once in a while.

There had passed two days since her funeral, and the pain was exactly as big as it was in the first day. Alice and I were lying on my sofa; Alice's thoughts were as positive as possible, so that I would feel a little better. She'd helped me so much these days – I don't know what I would've done without her. She rested her head onto my lap, looking at the ceiling. Suddenly, she gasped, horrified by the image in her thoughts.

"Edward, no!" she said, pain in her eyes. "Please, tell me you're not going to do this. Please! You can't do this to me, you can't take another beloved one from me!" she pleaded, looking as if she wanted to cry.

I also saw the image in her thoughts – me, going to Italy. It was something I've took into consideration since _she_ died, but I haven't realized that my subconscious had already taken that decision for me. And it made sense – haven't I promised her nothing will break us apart? Not even death? Haven't I told her, that afternoon, before her birthday party, about my plans from last spring, when she almost died, attacked by a sadistic vampire? About my wish of going to the Volturi and ask them to kill me? Though she made me promise that, whatever will happen to her, I must continue to be, there was no chance for me to be able to exist for eternity without her. I was surprised that this idea hadn't came earlier.

"Edward, please! It's becoming clearer! What are you doing?"

"Nothing, Alice. Nothing. It was just something I thought about. I have no intention of doing this." I lied smoothly. I had to do something to take this our of my mind, because I didn't want them to stop me. I probably managed, because she relaxed, but I could read into her mind that she was planning to pay much more attention at my future than before.

A soft knocking at my door distracted us.

"Come in."

Esme and Emmett entered into the room, Esme's expression smooth and caring.

"We're all going hunting today. Would you like to join us?"

I looked down at Alice; she had violet circles around her eyes. I wasn't thirsty, so I told her to go. She stood up, threw me a worried glance, then took Esme's hand and darted out of the room together with Emmett. Seconds later, I heard all the family going out the front door. I was sure they were going somewhere far, where they could find some mountain lions and bears, in order to distract themselves. Now, that I was all alone, I could think better about my plan. I would have to hurry. Should I run there or take the plane? By running, there was a certain risk of them catching me; but, by plane, the delay would be too big. And since I've took the decision, I couldn't strop thinking that in a few hours I'll be with her. The pain I felt was physical and I couldn't stand it any longer. My heart cried for her touch. But first, before leaving, I should write them a letter; they had the right to understand my reasons.

_My dear family,_

_When you will read this letter, you will probably know what I've done; please don't try to stop me and don't blame yourselves for this. It was only my decision and I will try to explain the reasons, though I am sure you already know them. But first, let me tell each one of you how much you mean to me and how your presence in my life lightened the darkness that once overwhelmed me. _

_Carlisle, Esme, my dear parents… thank you so much for the unconditional love you gave me all these years. Carlisle, I know you've always thought you made a mistake when you changed me; please, don't you ever blame yourself for this. You made the right choice then; I was dying without knowing how real happiness felt like. You gave me the opportunity of knowing true love, you've taught me how to love and how to be a better person, despite of what I was. Please, you must always remember me as I was before that night in which my Bella passed away, and you mustn't grieve for my loss. Esme, my mother… you've been the most loving mother I could've asked for. You've been there for me and only I know the huge amount of happiness you felt when I finally found my soul-mate, after all these years. Don't cry for me, enjoy the rest of your existence by taking care of Alice, Jazz, Em, and Rose. I know I was your first child in this new life, but I also want to let you know that we will always be together; death doesn't break people apart. My heart will always be with you._

_Alice, my sweet sister… you probably know me better than anyone else, sometimes better than I know myself. I know I've hurt you by taking this decision, because you are already grieving for the loss of your best friend, but please, don't look at this gesture as a way to make you suffer – It wasn't my intention, as you sure know it. You also know that I'm happy where I am right now, so please try to live your life by remembering me without pain and remorse. _

_Jasper, to you I must tell the most important thing. I know my behavior in the last couple of days wasn't exactly right , but I don't blame you for what happened that night. It was a terrible accident, and I know how horrible you felt when you realized what you've done. Your terror almost equaled mine. I beg you, once again, don't take this blame on you, and try as hard as you can to be strong, for Alice, and to comfort her, because you're the only one who can do it. Do not grieve for my loss, because I finally found my eternal peace._

_Em and Rose… Em, you're the best brother I could've ever asked for; you've been there for me, and please, my death should not erase the smile on your face. You've always been so happy and nothing ever touched you; continue acting like this. Try to make Alice smile, she'll need your jokes, though she knows what'll you'll say before you do it, she's still amused. Rose, now, more than ever, Alice will need her sister's support and love. I know we've had our misunderstandings, but you know I love you and nothing will change that. Be there for your sister and mother, help them forget about this loss._

_I promised I'll explain my reasons, although you already know them. You, my family, you've been with me for so long, and you've noticed the changes that produced since I met Bella. Suddenly, the dark night that represented my whole world was lightened by her; there was bright and color. The moment she closed her eyes for eternity, I stopped existing. My life ended with her, though I stayed with you a few more days, I was empty. Please, try to imagine this will happen to you; will you be able to leave without your soul? (metaphorically speaking) Will you be able to continue existing if the whole reason of your life would be gone? For me, not seeing her brilliant smile and her gorgeous eyes, not feeling the touch of her lips and her soft fingers against my skin, not hearing her voice and the sound of her heart was too much to bear. She took with her the light she brought into my world; desperation and agony overwhelmed me. Please, live with this thought: I'm happy wherever I am, because I'm with her. I finally found my eternal peace and we'll be together forever, as I promised to her. I promised nothing will break us apart, and I kept my promise; not even death managed to take her away from me for too long. I am in peace now, because I've found my soul and my life is complete._

_Once again, I ask you not to grieve for my loss. I love you all, always and forever, and my heart will remain there, because you've always been a part of me. I am sorry._

_Edward._


	5. For eternity

**Chapter 5 – For eternity**

**(Thank you everyone for the nice reviews, I'm glad you like my story. This is the final chapter! I hope it won't disappoint you. I don't own any of the characters and the underlined passages are from the books, only that I changed them a little, and instead of Bella POV is Edward POV)**

**EDWARD POV**

I was staring on the window as the plane took of from the airport. I'd chosen this way because I preferred to endure my pain, rather than risking my family to catch me and lose my last chance of being with her. The flight seemed so long, but I finally managed to arrive to Italy, then to Volterra. On my way, I've been thinking about what I could do if Aro would refuse me – which was possible, because of the respect Aro had for Carlisle. The only way I could make them angry was to expose myself and what I was in the city they've protected for so many centuries. The easiest thing was to hunt – to bite a human, of course – but I hated the idea of disappointing Carlisle in my last hours of life. The sky was clouded, so there was no way I could walk in the sun, to make my skin sparkle. Maybe I could do something to prove my strength and speed and they'd catch me immediately.

I reached at their residence – their castle would be a better word – took two deep breaths, then knocked at the door. I was almost anxious. I was so close to happiness, I could almost touch it. It was just a matter of hours until I was going to see my love again and be with her forever.

A smiling woman – obviously human – opened the door, throwing me a confused glance.

"Hello. My name is Edward Cullen. I am here to see Aro, if this is possible."

"Do you have an appointment?" she asked; her expression showed me clearly that she already knew my answer.

"As a matter of fact, I don't." I replied, my voice harsh.

"Then, Mr. Cullen, I'm afraid you'll have to wait a while."

"I insist. What I have to say to Aro cannot be delayed and I can assure you that it is something important." I remembered that my Bella had told be once that I could dazzle people without even thinking about it . I tried to do it now, but this brought her image in my head again and another strong ache pierced my whole body. I gave up, waiting for the secretary's answer; it was obvious she wasn't affected by my… talent.

"I will see what I can do. Follow me."

She took me into a huge hall, pointed to a sofa, then went at a big wooden door and knocked twice. After a moment, the door opened and the woman entered. I went to the sofa and sat down, waiting. She returned fast, smiling, her eyes brilliant.

"Mr. Aro sends his greetings and says it's a huge honor to have such a guest, but asks you to be patient and wait for a little longer, because they have a little… problem to solve. I'm sure you understand."

I just nodded in response. This was what I was afraid of. Waiting. I closed my eyes, trying to take Bella's image, lying motionless in a coffin, out of my head. When I opened them again, there she was, in front of me… smiling her brilliant smile, her face just as I remembered it, like the one of an angel fallen from the skies. There was something wrong, though… her eyes were in tears. As shocked as I was, the instinct of protecting her was stronger than ever. I stretched one hand towards her, to comfort her, to touch her face and feel the wonderful heat of her skin again. She wasn't supposed to cry. My angel had to be happy. I burned with desire to take her in my arms, to protect her and promise that nobody will ever hurt her. As my hand was only one inch away from her face, she just vanished. She disappeared, and panic overwhelmed me. Why was she running away from me? Had death changed her feelings? Had she forgot about me?

Then I realized that I was still on the sofa, alive, and probably going insane. As I was conscious that I had a few hours to wait, I decided that I would better spend them with her. What could be more perfect than spending the last hours of your life with the one you truly love? I sank again into my sea of oblivion, remembering the first night we'd spent together into her room. I'd hold her into my arms, feeling her soft touch on my skin. She'd said she loved me in her sleep.

*flashback*

She hid her face against my shoulder.

"I love you", she whispered.

"You are my life now." I answered simply. 

There was nothing more to say for the moment. I rocked us back and forth as the room grew lighter.

*end flashback*

I also remembered the moments spent in our meadow. Those were unforgettable, since we had our first kiss. She was afraid that I was going to hit the trees when I was running; that thought made want to laugh, even now, when I was grieving for her loss. All those touches, her soft fingers against my marble skin, seemed so real that they sent vibrations of pleasure through my whole body.

*flashback*

With deliberate slowness, my hands slid down the sides of her neck. She shivered, and I catched my breath. But my hands didn't pause as they softly moved to her shoulders, and then stopped. 

My face drifted to the side, my nose skimming across her collarbone. I cam to rest with the side of my face pressed tenderly against her chest.

Listening to her heart.

"Ah." I sighed. 

[….]

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always lime this?"

"For me?" she paused. "No, never. Never before this."

I held her hands between mine. They felt so feeble in my iron strength.

"I don't know how to be close to you." I admitted. "I don't know if I can."

She leaned forward very slowly, cautioning me with her eyes. She placed her cheek against my stone chest. 

"This is enough", she sighed, closing her eyes. 

In a very human gesture, I put my arms around her and pressed my face against her hair.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for." She noted.

"I have human instincts – they may be buried deep, but they're there."

We sat like that for another immeasurable moment.

[….]

"I was thinking, while I was running…" I paused.

"About not hitting the trees, I hope."

"Silly Bella." I chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off." She muttered again.

I smiled.

"No", I continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." And I took her face into my hands again.

*end flashback*

The feeling of her soft lips against mine was something impossible to describe. As I was enjoying the moment in my mind, like I was living it again, a voice interrupted my happy vision.

"Mr. Cullen? Mr. Aro says he's ready to discuss with you."

I opened my eyes, blinked once then realized what she'd just said to me. I was getting closer with every second. I jumped to my feet, anxious and nervous.

**ALICE POV**

"No, Edward, don't!" I screamed, horrified. Edward's image, going to the Volturi and asking them to die filled my head; I couldn't focus on hunting or on my pray anymore. How could he possibly do this to me? He'd promised me he won't do anything reckless! Oh, this was all my fault! I shouldn't have left him alone! I didn't knew how I was going to stand his death too; I was already falling apart. Jasper, who was close to the place I was hunting, heard my scream and ran to me as fast as he could.

"Alice, what happened? What happened, love?"

He took me in his arms, holding me tight, while I was sobbing without being able to pause; shock took control over my mind.

"It's ok, love, I'm here. Tell me what's wrong. Shh, calm down, my love. It's killing me to see you like this."

"Edward…" I mumbled, still in shock. "Edward!"

He threw me a confused glance.

"He's going to Italy, Jazz! He's leaving us!" I continued, watching his expression becoming a mask of horror.

"This is all my fault! I took Bella away from him, and now I'll take him away from all of us!" he said, terror overwhelming him.

"No, Jazz, don't blame yourself! It was just an accident." I tried to comfort him, patting his arm. I softly kissed his lips, then took his hand into mine.

"Let's go home. He left us a letter." I hissed, angry with him for leaving me forever.

"But we must go for him! We must stop him!"

As much as it ached me, I shock my head at him. He looked at me, disoriented, and worried that I was losing my mind.

"No, Jazz." I said, my voice just a whisper. "It was his decision. He can't live without her, as I couldn't live without you. If we stop him now, we'll destroy him forever."

He nodded, then followed me back home.

**EDWARD POV**

As I entered into the big, lightened room, three vampires greeted me, one of them enthusiastically – Aro – one looking bored – Marcus – and one confused and disoriented – Caius. I tried to pass to the purpose of my visit, because Aro kept asking me about Carlisle's life and kept marveling about how he could survive drinking only animal blood.

"I must admit, I'm impressed", he said. "I didn't think he would be able to resist for so long. And working as a doctor in a hospital, smelling human blood every day and not falling into temptation… it's impressive."

"Aro." I said, my voice clearly ending the conversation about Carlisle's life. "I came here today to ask you a favor."

"Interesting, young Edward. And what kind of favor do you want from me?"

"I am here to ask you to kill me." I said, and saw their eyes popping wide.

"What on world could possible make you ask me this?" he answered, surprise into his voice and thoughts.

"I think I would better show it to you." I replied, offering him my hand.

Aro had a similar gift with mine; he could read minds, but he needed physical contact. Also, he could read every thought that ever passed to that person's mind. He stretched one hand towards me and touched my skin. After about ten minutes, a mask of surprise stretched across his face.

"I see." He nodded, compressive. "The attraction this human girl's blood had towards you is incredible, and still, you resisted."

"My love for her was too big. I could never hurt her."

"But still, _La Tua Cantante!_ What a waste!"

"I don't see it like this."

"If you haven't had showed me this, I would've never believed such thing existed. And the power of your love… impossible to understand." He nodded again.

Marcus and Caius watched him in disbelief.

"Young Edward, though I understand your reasons, you cannot ask me to destroy an old friend. Carlisle means a lot to me and I cannot take the life of a son of his."

"I imagined this will be your answer. You give me no choice, then. My decision is final, and I will do whatever it takes to make it reality. I'm sure you saw that too."

He watched me for a moment, surprise into his eyes, then finally spoke.

"If this is what you really want, then let me talk to my brothers."

I nodded then waited, trying not to pay attention at their words. My only thought was _I am going to see my love again. Wait for me, love. I love you._

After about fifteen minutes, Aro spoke to me again.

"I've tried to explain to my brothers everything that you showed me, but it wasn't easy. Such an appealing smell and burning desire is impossible to describe. Still, I think they understood pretty well your reasons; and we've decided, that if this is your final decision, then we'll help you."

A huge grin lightened my face, Bella's beautiful face filling my mind again. It didn't hurt me anymore thinking about her; I was so close…

"We will use Alec, though", Aro continued. "I have no wish in hurting you. It will be better if you don't feel anything."

"Thank you, Aro. I am sure my father won't have nothing against you."

"I sure hope so." He replied, then asked Caius to bring Alec in the room.

Alec's power was very strong, and extremely useful. He could make you forget everything, take your sight and senses, so they could kill you without pain. As soon as he entered into the room, I closed my eyes and waited…

As soon as I opened them again, I was in our meadow. I looked around, disoriented. Was I dead or alive? I hadn't felt a thing.

Then, as I was staring around, _she _came to me, wearing that beautiful blue top, smiling a breathtaking smile, her face brilliant and more gorgeous than ever. I marveled over her beauty. She came closer to me.

"Is it really you?" I whispered. "Are you real this time?"

"Yes." She answered, her voice ringing like a bell. So beautiful.

I stretched my hand to touch her face. Her skin was so soft, maybe softer that before. And the heat… wonderful.

"I've almost forgotten how this feels." I said, my voice still a surprised whisper.

She smiled again for a moment, then her expression became sad. My heart ached at the memory of my vision; what if she vanished again?

"What's wrong, love?"

"I… I've been waiting for you, Edward. My biggest desire was for you to come to me. But… your family. They'll suffer so much."

"They understand, love. They know I can't live without you. You're the light and the brilliancy in my world; how could I live without this?"

Smile returned on her face, but a shadow of pain was still in her eyes.

"Alice." She whispered.

"She has Jasper. She knows we're both happy now."

"Yes. Both whole. I felt like a part of me was missing." She admitted, blushing a deep reed and looking down.

I touched her cheek.

"You have no idea how much I missed this."

Her fingers traced the lines of my face, sending vibrations through my whole body. I could hear her heart beats and her pulse racing through her veins. Nothing had changed – everything was the same. She put her hand into mine, showing me the ring I'd gave her when I said my goodbye.

"You've never told me about this." She accused me, but I could guess the smile in her voice.

"I wanted to do it different", I said. "But there was no time left."

"Now we have time." She replied. "And if you want to know, the answer had always been yes. I want to be yours forever. Yours and nobody else's."

"Mine. Always. For eternity."

I smiled, then leaned towards her. I touched her lips, marveling again over how soft her skin was. I kissed her, gently at the beginning, then more fierce, as I've never did before. I'd finally found my peace. This was my piece of heaven.

**(As you can see, I haven't brought Bella back, but still did something to make them be together for eternity. I hope you enjoyed it. Review please!)**


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